3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
