Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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