I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
