I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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