The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
