Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
