I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
