btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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