Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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