i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
