After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize