Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize