Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
