so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
third nipple confirmed
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Randomize
