allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize