Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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