On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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