You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
