Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
