is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
