this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We need to get me chipped asap
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
