You really coming over, don't trick.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
