I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize