I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize