dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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