i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think I won the penis lottery.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
