I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
