I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just googled if crying burns calories
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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