he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
