i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
