Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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