you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
