"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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