That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
