last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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