So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
