I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
