Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
