just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
