do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i came on her dog
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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