So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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