god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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