So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
