Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
