Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It's Friday. Sex?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
