fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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