well he's currently spooning the coffee table
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize