it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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