I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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