i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
