According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
