look no pants
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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