Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
