yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
