You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And my parents said I crawled through the house
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize