i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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