Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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