I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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