I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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