Ambien. No doubt about it.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
