I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
