unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
