he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
