I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
