Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
