I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
